New Year, New/Same You

I want to be one of those people who always carries a notebook or sketchbook; who is always ready to absorb the world around me; who is engaging, thinking, and reflecting constantly. I want to be someone who is always prepared, but I hate carrying things, being weighed down by objects that could possibly be unnecessary, bothersome, or simply give me a neck ache from unequal weight distribution.

We are all full of these dichotomies within ourselves that we cannot seem to reconcile. We have fears we cannot seem to face, habits we cannot seem to change, goals we cannot seem to reach, no matter how much we want to. While this can frustrate both us (why can't I remember to take that journal with me!) and those around us (how can she call herself adventurous when she is afraid of heights?), it actually is a quality unique to the human condition that is rather beautiful.


In all creation, only the human person can give voice to the definition of his or her self. A potato is a potato, no matter how one pronounces it. A horse cannot be untrue to its self. It simply lives as a horse, unconcerned with self-definition. While animals, vegetables, and minerals are built on a vocabulary of concrete observation, human beings can define themselves with hopes, dreams, and perceptions. The self can often dwell in the abstract. Most of us don't stop at defining ourselves at our height, weight, and hair color. Yet, even these can have a tint of aspiration - what exactly counts as blonde anyway?

A person is more than a function in the food chain, more than what they eat and what eats them. A person is a mix of truths and lies. These lies are not necessarily from any place of malice or even sin, but desire. I want to be adventurous, therefore I will say I am until it possibly comes true. Wherein dwells the other beauty of humanity, our ability to grow and change. The horse, by any will of its own, cannot improve itself. Growth is a natural impulse, not an intentional act. People, on the other hand, can see a flaw and fix it; can see a strength and foster it; can have a goal and reach it.

Growing is not easy. People take more than water and sunlight to fulfill their purpose on this earth. When we keep failing at being the person we hope to be or profess to be, it is easy to be laden with cynicism, to forgo setting goals beyond our present selves. We might begin to dwell in a dangerous place we call 'reality' where we are what we are, we do what we do, and we cannot change. When this dark cloud looms over us, we must remember that knowing one's limitations and limiting oneself are two very different things.

Some things we can change, and some things we cannot. And some things are just not important enough to worry about one way or the other. Amidst our ability to define ourselves and our ability to change ourselves, we must learn to assess what is worth defining and what is worth changing. Is being adventurous really an important quality? Is being good? Is being thoughtfully engaged?

The new year is a time of reflection, anticipation, and hope. It is a time to consider where we are and where we are going, who we are and who we are becoming. But it is also worth remembering that even if we don't check every change off our list, we have dwelt in a beautiful space of our unique humanity where we had the option, the hope, and the desire to change.