Finding Joy

Getting stuck in the mire and muck of life is easy, and a weakness of mine lately. Times of difficulty often overshadow times of joy. Seeing a light at the end of the tunnel frequently evades me. I have been making a concerted effort to track the good things, to ensure I don't become some pessimistic, bitter cynic. Yet, these good things live beside not so good things. The difficulties and joys are entwined and intermingled so intensely, I can't just ignore the difficulties in favor of some blue-skied, grass-is-greener alternate reality.

Sometimes joy is pure positive emotion, an irresistible welling up of bliss that cannot help but overflow. But sometimes joy is not pure; it's mysterious; it's hidden and full of bafflement, confusion and surprise. Mysteries puzzle us and can only be resolved in time, with faith, trust, and sometimes a Sherlock Holmes level of intelligence. How can we understand and embrace that kind of joy?


Take job loss, for example. It is easy to fall into a pit of anger about the end result, frustrated with having to look for new work and wondering why you even got the job in the first place. Stop to consider that question. What did the job give you? What did losing the job give you? Perhaps you met wonderful people, whom you now count as your close friends. Perhaps now there is more time to pursue other interests and activities. For me, working with pregnant women opened my eyes to a world of ignorance and hurt of which I was grossly unaware, and inspired me to solve that by becoming a FEMM educator. The job itself opened windows, and losing the job opened doors.

Take break ups, for example. Everyone has experienced some kind of heart break and knows the feelings of sadness, nostalgia, rejection and longing that accompany it. Yet, eventually those deep emotions give way to feelings and realizations of strength and freedom. Your time is now all your own. Adventures lie on the horizon that would not have been possible previously. For me, having more time in the city where I live has allowed me to focus on and form relationships, particularly my relationship with God, free from anxiety and scheduling and splitting time.

Mysterious joys. They are like a game of word associations. You suddenly are at word twenty before you realize you wouldn't have gotten there without word one. Tracing and retracing one's situation in life is a good exercise in positivity and trust. The challenge is to not only see the eventual good effect as the joy, but to see the struggle or sadness or hurt as a joy, too. To let go of the anger, frustration, disappointment, or sadness and let the goodness and joy of the effect permeate the source. This is immensely difficult; forgiving and forgetting is much easier said than done. But we won't truly be able to experience relief and joy in our present fortune if we continue to blame the past. It's confusing, baffling, and frustrating. It's mysterious. But, who doesn't love a good mystery?