Turn Your Memes into Actions

Identity construction is nothing new. It's natural to ask “Who am I?” and “What am I looking for?” and “Why am I here?”  From philosophers and theologians, to sociologists and psychologists, to playwrights and rock stars, small and great minds alike have looked at themselves and pondered.

The answers are as complex and confusing as the human brain. People are complicated, and how they grapple with constructing their identities shows that. Trending on Facebook recently was the challenge to describe oneself in three fictional characters. This is an easy way to both categorize oneself in the familiar, but also to show many facets of one’s personality. I say easy, but let’s be real, settling on three characters is tough! And what will people think of the characters you have chosen?


How humans display their identities has changed over the years. Historically, if you were wealthy, perhaps you had a portrait painted. If you loved books, you would be painted in a library. If you loved dogs, your Irish Setter would be at the foot of your chair. Most people, however, could not afford this luxurious way of identifying themselves in the public and private sphere. Rather, their actions were all that could prove the content of their character. Even words were dicey. Mr. Darcy, after all, is rejected by Elizabeth Bennet because the image constructed by his actions does not align with the image constructed by his words. It is only after his outward identity is in line with his spoken identity that she considers him worthy to fall in love with. (Pemberley didn’t hurt, either).

Today, identity construction is radically changing due to social media and the technological age. A person does not need to put all their money towards one portrait when digital photography allows for several pictures in the blink of an eye.  Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, blogs, and many dating apps are all absolutely free ways to put a portrait – or many portraits – of oneself out there. As with the 3 characters challenge, identity construction sometimes becomes a public forum, an interactive and fun thing to do. These kinds of trends provide ways for a person to examine oneself, one’s interests and priorities; and to get to know others’ better, and how they see themselves, which can be different from how you see them. The analyst in me thrives on observing (and occasionally participating in) trends like this.

At what point though, due to supersaturation, does identity construction become a contest and more calculating than formative?

I was thinking the other day about how I would describe myself if I were to set up an online dating account. I started writing a list of qualities I am looking for in another person, which of course reveals a good deal about me. Then, I tried to put some of that information into an introductory paragraph form. It’s amazing how much more stressful and complicated the activity became! Suddenly I had to scrutinize my sentence construction: did I want to sound funny there? Am I too serious? Will no one like me because I am brutally honest? Should I try to seem cooler than I am? I was plagued with anxiety, knowing that as a woman looking for a serious relationship, I’m battling approximately 5 other women for one man. I have no doubts about my identity in reality, but trying to sum that up in a few short lines with a picture to make a person swipe right is more than a bit stress-inducing – and I wasn’t even actually doing it.

The world of online dating is a total 180 from identity construction of the past. Now we have to prove ourselves through words and image to gain even the hope of proving ourselves through our actions, instead of the historical reverse. And after all the wit and words, once we are in person, what kind of person do we show ourselves to be? That’s still the main question. Because relationships – be they romantic or otherwise – don’t stay digital forever. Eventually, our actions must match our words. So who are you? And how do you show it?

(And I’m Jane Eyre, Emma Woodhouse, and Yentl, in case you were wondering.)